It seems the thing I’m looking forward to the most here is sleeping; dreams are intriguing and the metaphors within, too.
I felt like deleting this blog a minute ago. But that makes me feel conflicted; I need somewhere to write, somewhere to express my most sincere thoughts.
But that’s just it - my thoughts have been all but reflections of my deepest self the past few weeks. Poor copies, brittle replicas. But I got rid of those. I think it’s better that way, even if I only write so others would understand me. I’d rather have them understand the optimistic, luminous side of me than anything else.
So I’m not doing anything to this. It’ll remain, and if I ever need to, I can use it to get closer to people I find worth getting close to; people like myself seem to like getting to peek at someone’s thoughts beyond the casual.
I think it’s better to be what I write instead of actually writing it. That’s why I just deleted all of what I was just thinking.
It’s been a long time, but again, with music in the night, I feel… free.
It’s hard to do beyond writing, but all of you, seek only things that make you feel like you could do anything in your serene happiness.
Maybe I’ll write again about this in a bit, but not now.
I once went outside at about 4am. It was still dark, but you could see the light of the sun shimmering in the horizon. My family had gone for a little trip and were out of the house, so I felt even more comfortable about suddenly taking a bit of a jog outside; I’ve always stayed indoors more than not, so I often felt… embarrassed leaving.
So I descended down the hill behind our apartment grounds, to the big intersection and over it via a little bridge. I ran. There was no one else there; I felt so free, as if I was the only one in the whole world.
I had taken my small pocket-camera with me. I had promised someone I’d take pictures of my little journey; show her some of the areas surrounding my home. I wondered, where I should go. But not really: I just ran, headed towards somewhere I found intriguing. Somewhere new.
Surely, “somewhere new” was right next to my building; as someone who stays home as much as I do, any detour from your usual patterns is “somewhere new”.
So, I was somewhere new, and there were buildings. Magnificent, luminous buildings made of so much glass that wherever you looked, you saw everything.
I wanted to experience something new, too; to be part of something exciting, something fantastic. I climbed on top of a building. Not too tall, mind you, just somewhere I thought looked interesting. As I got up, the sun was already shining, bright as ever. I sat there, on the top of the world and looked at my surroundings; everything glowed so bright, so new.
Today, it’s the second of June, a year later, and the sun rises at 4:05 in the morning. Yesterday it was 4:08. I feel serene, even if my life has many stressful aspects to it. I think I should start going out at night more often, to see the sun at its moment of birth, and to be the first to experience something new.
I just realized that I have to wake up early tomorrow: it’s the end.
Everyone will be there. It’s the end of school for all my friends! It’s the end! I’ll be sure to hug the shit out of people, but yeah, I’ll be at school at 12:30 tomorrow, so it’ll be just after the ceremony (I’m not really interested in that).
I wonder how it’ll be.
………Good night. I hope everything is beautiful.