I once went outside at about 4am. It was still dark, but you could see the light of the sun shimmering in the horizon. My family had gone for a little trip and were out of the house, so I felt even more comfortable about suddenly taking a bit of a jog outside; I’ve always stayed indoors more than not, so I often felt… embarrassed leaving.
So I descended down the hill behind our apartment grounds, to the big intersection and over it via a little bridge. I ran. There was no one else there; I felt so free, as if I was the only one in the whole world.
I had taken my small pocket-camera with me. I had promised someone I’d take pictures of my little journey; show her some of the areas surrounding my home. I wondered, where I should go. But not really: I just ran, headed towards somewhere I found intriguing. Somewhere new.
Surely, “somewhere new” was right next to my building; as someone who stays home as much as I do, any detour from your usual patterns is “somewhere new”.
So, I was somewhere new, and there were buildings. Magnificent, luminous buildings made of so much glass that wherever you looked, you saw everything.
I wanted to experience something new, too; to be part of something exciting, something fantastic. I climbed on top of a building. Not too tall, mind you, just somewhere I thought looked interesting. As I got up, the sun was already shining, bright as ever. I sat there, on the top of the world and looked at my surroundings; everything glowed so bright, so new.
Today, it’s the second of June, a year later, and the sun rises at 4:05 in the morning. Yesterday it was 4:08. I feel serene, even if my life has many stressful aspects to it. I think I should start going out at night more often, to see the sun at its moment of birth, and to be the first to experience something new.
![I sometimes feel a little bit like I’m breaking some unspoken rule if I feel different from what I’ve written the next day or so. Like now. I promised I’d feel better from now on, and I will feel better, but as one could possibly expect, there’ll still be times when I feel absolutely crushed again.
I still loathe writing in a… “normal” fashion, but this is a journal of some sort, so I suppose it can’t be helped.
[[MORE]]I’ve been feeling quite well today, until I read up on something called “Temporomandibular Joint Dysfunction”, after which I started feeling quite anxious; naturally, because my jaw had actually been clicking for years and years now, and it rather bothers me sometimes. Mostly when I’m idle though, so it’s not like it’s the most earth-shattering source of anxiety in the world, but it’s still something.
I’m probably going to call a doctor about someday, or something. It seems I’m having extensive worries about the state of my joints and bones in general, which is kind of a pain in the ass.
After that, I realized that I was also anxious about the fact that I can’t exactly talk about this with anyone; I am still quite alone, whether I have chosen to be fine with it or not. This was a rather unpleasant thought, too.
I’m at least more optimistic about meeting interesting people in my life now. It seems more likely that I’m not just going to be alone for the rest of my life, heh. But for now, I do wish I wasn’t so alone considering friends. Well, it can’t be helped while I’m at dad’s until Friday, but I’ll see if I can do something about it after that.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/03424eb4e305da2ce0d1d756a700498f/tumblr_mk7d97XvJK1r47bczo1_500.jpg)
button
